


buttkirk

by bigtowns



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, Breathplay, Canon Compliant, Choking, Dom/sub, Dry Humping, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Semi-Public Sex, Slurs, Subspace, War, alex has thick thighs and tommy is a virginal mess, alex is here and queer and ready to party, i tried to stay historically accurate, please forgive me if this is a mess, tommy is in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-16 20:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11836665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigtowns/pseuds/bigtowns
Summary: Tommy and Alex meet in salty waters and touch for the first time under the goddamned mole. It is cold, and wet, and Tommy feels feeble as he barely manages to pull Alex from between the capsizing boat and the pier. Alex's eyes are green green green and Tommy's chest has never hammered this hard. He blames it on the sinking ship, distant screams, and whirring of the German planes in the distance.He is going to die here.





	buttkirk

His hands are huge. They are big. They are big and Tommy's slender fingers barely manage to get a grip on them when the ship capsizes. His stomach churns with the sounds, the grinding metal and deafening screams. Everything is loud and Tommy has his slender thighs wrapped around the wooden post of the mole, hands pulling this man from the wreckage before his skull got crushed somewhere between the sharp metal and rotting wood of the dock.

Screaming.

Everyone is screaming, shouting, it is coming from all directions and Tommy wants nothing more than to plug his fucking ears and never hear this cacophony every again.

The water bubbles under the sinking ship, the metal is grinding and grinding and grinding right next to Tommy's head and somewhere the German planes can be heard droning off in the distance, which would be relieving if he knew they wouldn't be back around soon.

Tommy watches as the ship grinds against the pier, metal scraping against the wood as it sinks down and out of sight. The man he just pulled out of the water is sat next to him, dragging out staggered breaths and soaked to the bone. Tommy can hardly make out his face behind the matted fringe and dirt, becoming immediately aware of his own near impeccable state. He had been camped out here with that quiet lad from the dunes after they had delivered the stretcher onto the last boat.

He would probably get his ass reamed if it was discovered that he had been loitering under the pier at a chance to hop onto the next ship.

With that thought, he looked down at the waves lapping beneath him. He dunked himself into the salty water, staying under long enough to make sure he was soaked, head bobbing above the surface a few moments later. He hoisted himself back onto the wooden beam he was previously perched on, taking a moment to breathe. After he got regulated again he looked back up, looking at the large man sitting across from him. The man's hands were holding the side of the wooden beam with a vice grip, long fingers wrapped around the bend of the support, grounding himself as he looked at Tommy.

The last of the ship disappeared below the surface of the water, metal screeching and men's cries wailing all around him. The sound of the planes had completely gone and were replaced with the frantic sound of booted footsteps from the dock above him. Shouting, pleading, splashing, it was all happening at once and merging into the same awful sound. The same frequency. The sound of the cool breeze cutting through the posts of the dock and the bloody screams coming from the last men who were being dragged under the water became indecipherable. 

Tommy ears rang as he finally looked at the man's face, and something felt like it had instantly punched Tommy in the stomach.

Green green green. 

He swears to god that there was some ripple in time or cosmic discrepancy that was responsible for the way that everything seemed to freeze when Tommy locked eyes with this man, he hadn't seen anything this green since he left home. So, so, _so_ green.

Dark, wet lashes blinked back at him as he stared, and then it was over. The moment was over, and they had to start climbing. Up and out of the water. The man's green eyes left him and Tommy was hurtled back to Earth with a painful amount of force. Tommy squeezed his eyes shut as he stood, balancing on the wooden beams of the underside of the pier, he inhaled and shook himself of whatever _thing_  just happened between him and this man. He hoped, as they made it to the top of the mole, that this man wouldn't tell anybody how Tommy was suspiciously bone dry and had to dunk himself in the water before climbing back up. He hopes no conclusions were drawn, and he'd be able to board the next ship as soon as it came.

He hoped that he would get to see this man's face again, maybe ask for his name before they were to be inevitably parted. 

-

Alex.

His name was Alex and he was from Manchester, just on the west of Manchester actually. Not to be confused with any smaller towns west of Manchester, Alex clarified. He was just on the west end of Manchester. Tommy didn't ask for clarification, and he didn't ask for Alex's birthday either. Or how many siblings Alex had. Or Alex's favorite meal (spaghetti bolognese, just a bit of parmesan on top). Alex volunteered all of this information, when they were loaded aboard the next ship. 

"I've got two dogs and a cat." Alex said, mouth stuffed with toast, a bit of jam on the corner of his lip. Tommy was just stood there, staring at him. The tight quarters of the boat's cavity pushed the two of them close enough to where Tommy could see the food inside Alex's mouth. Other soldiers were milling about, toast and tea being passed around freely. The atmosphere was light but the stench was horrible. Tommy smelled salt, of course salt, but also the metallic scent of dried blood on nearly everyone who passed by. He tried zeroing in on Alex, big and tall Alex who was on his third piece of toast and still going on about his cat. 

"The cat's name is Betsy." Alex chewed.

"She is the fattest cat you've ever seen, mate. She's the sweetest gal around too, I swear it." Alex said between chews, eyes boring into Tommy's.

Tommy blinked up at Alex, nodding his head as Alex filled the space between them with more asinine chatter and facts about himself. Tommy had become accustomed to the greenness of Alex's eyes by now. He was admittedly getting a bit lost in them, letting himself stare with the excuse of ' _you're just being attentive to what he's saying'_  playing in his head to push back the guilt and warm feeling coiling in his stomach. He had a straight nose and the pinkest lips he's ever seen on a bloke. He was tanned and had tousled, floppy brown hair that stuck up in weird places and curled around his face. His voice was low, almost liquid, came in through Tommy's ears and settled between his bones.

Tommy kept ignoring it, rendering the feeling in his gut to literally anything else besides wondering what Alex's collarbones look like under his woolen coat, or how his teeth would feel on Tommy's neck.

"What's wrong with your friend?" Alex asked, toast gone and tongue poking out to lick the bit of jam that was on the corner that Tommy had noticed earlier.

It took a minute for Tommy to catch up, brain being sling-shotted back to the present and scanning his brain for the friend Alex was talking about, remembering the boy from the dunes. 

"Looking for a quick way out." Tommy said, hearing his own voice for the first time in a bit. It was scratchy, tired sounding, empty.

Something in Alex's eyes shifted when Tommy said that, casting downward for a moment as the affronting realization that they were still in imminent danger dawned upon him. Surely it's not like Alex had _forgotten_ that he was crammed into the belly of a ship with hundreds of other men on war torn waters, but something inside Tommy made him want to take it back. Wanted to tell Alex that he didn't know what was wrong with his friend, that the kid wasn't even his friend- anything to make Alex's features soften again.

He saw Alex's eyes dart to the closed hatch on the next level of the ship. A large vaulted door that lead out to the deck, right up a flight of stairs. Tommy looked at the door, making a mental note of it when he felt Alex wrap a hand around his wrist. Tommy froze as Alex's thumb rubbed small circles on the surface of the thin skin, soft and gentle. Tommy's hearing went out for a minute and all he could register was the blood rushing in his ears and his heart pounding as he kept staring at the door. Tommy didn't know what was happening but something between his ribcage and spine was fluttering and and his brain was short-circuiting. Alex's big, warm hand was loosely gripped around Tommy's slender wrist, hidden between them making Tommy want to fucking explode. God, he was going mental. What was Alex doing? Tommy was going absolutely mental. Could Alex feel the quickening of his pulse? Mental. 

He looked down at where Alex's long fingers were rubbing soothing patterns on the inside of his wrist and looked back up at Alex, questioning. Alex met his eyes and pulled back immediately, hand leaving Tommy's skin as his arm fell back to his side. Tommy's skin burned at the loss and he immediately regretted it. Should've just stayed staring at the door of the ship, stayed still enough to keep Alex's warm hand on him just a moment longer. Something akin to guilt quickly came to the forefront of his brain, why was he upset at the loss? Why was this man, whom he just met, making his heart do this stupid flippy thing like he had a high school crush? 

The war, surely it was the bloody fucking war that was responsible for all of this. He just hadn't been touched in awhile- ever- like that. That was all. 

Tommy noticed Alex's eyebrows were knit and his mouth opened for just a second- presumably to stutter out some kind of excuse for what he'd just done, explain away the small gesture as something else. Anything else. Tommy was hoping that whatever he was about to say would make his stomach stop doing flips, stop making his chest pound. He missed the contact of Alex's hand around his wrist- safe- but before Alex could say a word, they were hit.

The lights went out inside the boat, bodies were knocked into one another. The air was knocked out of Tommy's lungs and everything was black. Everything was so alarmingly pitch black that Tommy's brain had gone static.

He heard the boom below them, people outside screaming "Torpedo!" over the screams of everyone inside the boat.

Oh god, this was it. This was fucking it.

He thought he had gotten out of here, he thought they were on their way across the channel. He must have willed this to happen when he told Alex that his friend was looking for a way out, jinxed himself and the hundreds of other men who were shouting around him. Water began filling up the cabin of the boat, his ankles and shoes becoming soaked. Something wrenched open, the sound of the grinding metal muffled by the surrounding water- then suddenly his mouth was full of ocean, it was gushing in with full force, filling up Tommy's lungs and making him gag under the water.

He panicked and managed to pry his eyes open, squinting at the sting of the salt. He floundered around, not being able to breathe and trying to push the salt water out of his lungs. His limbs flailed as the bodies in the boat kicked around him. Then he saw the door. The fucking door to the deck was open, it had been opened. He kicked and pushed, kicking off of the bodies of the men below him, trying to get up and out. The water pressure thrusted him out of the vessel like it wasn't concerned with him, but the hundreds of other men inside the ship. Tommy's head surfaced as he found purchase on the railing of the deck, heaving breaths leaving his body and oxygen piercing his lungs for the first time in what felt like hours. He saw men jumping overboard, the boat was nearly turned on it's side now. He felt a hand at his side- Alex.

"Go!" He said, jumping in front of Tommy and sliding down the side of the ship, into the open water. Tommy followed after him, deciding then and there that he would follow Alex anywhere. Something was pulling tight at his chest as he met Alex in the open water, probably the salt in his lungs.

They swam toward the nearest life boat, immediately being pushed off when Alex had reached out to hoist himself onto it.

Tommy had water in his ears, couldn't hear the exchange between the man on the raft and Alex. Could just hear "you haven't just been fucking torpedoed!" from Alex's mouth. Tommy laid afloat in the water, hovering close by and grabbing the rope when Alex handed it to him as they were drug behind the raft. Back towards Dunkirk. Alex's ankle hooked around Tommy's under the water, making him feel grounded despite the fact that he was being drug behind a raft in the middle of the English Channel. He forced himself to keep his head straight, pushing out the sounds of men screaming and the boat sinking behind him. He spared a look to his left and saw that Alex had his eyes shut and a cut on his jaw. Tommy turned his head back straight, ignoring the twist in his gut.

-

It was early morning when they arrived back at the beach. It was far emptier than it was when Tommy last saw it- thank god. There were still men queued by the masses on the sand, others being herded in droves onto the mole with every passing hour. The sun hadn't risen yet, skies still dark as him and Alex crawled back onto the shores of the beach, their uniforms soaking and boots sinking into the wet sand. He should be exhausted, should be absolutely positively exhausted after just getting _torpedoed_ a few hours ago. But his bones were thrumming. His blood was still rushing through his ears, his heart had a stutter in it and he couldn't lay still. 

He laid between his friend- the one from the dunes- and Alex. The friend who wasn't really a friend, hadn't even spoken a word to him, was asleep next to them. Tommy took a moment to look at him, wanted to wake him and ask for his name, find out if he had a cat or not, wanted to do something besides lay here on the coast of this foreign beach like a sitting duck until daybreak. 

"Oi."

Tommy turned his head, cheek touching the cool sand as he looked at Alex who was lying down beside him. Alex sat up then, turning toward Tommy and resting his weight on his propped left arm. 

"Cant sleep." Alex said, low voice barely peaking above a whisper.

"Neither can I." Tommy said, rolling on his side to get a better look at Alex. This turned out to be a mistake, because now Alex's face was closer than it's ever been and Tommy's brain was going to explode. He's not a fucking queer but he sure as hell is acting like one with the way his legs go numb at the sight of this man. The thought makes his blood boil a bit, but he stands his ground. He's not looking any deeper into this than he has to. He is lying next to a friend, on a beach in France, in the middle of a war. He hasn't gotten off in almost two whole weeks and he's been on edge since he almost got his brains blown out by a Nazi before he arrived on this goddamned beach.

Alex is touchy, Tommy hasn't been touched by anyone other than his right hand. That was it. There was nothing more than that and Tommy definitely wasn't thinking about how much he wishes he met Alex somewhere else, not in this fucking war. 

"Wanna go on a walk with me?" Alex asked, bringing him out of the mental tirade he was on about how he is definitely, absolutely, without a doubt _not_ a poof. 

"Yeah, sure, mate." Tommy said, his impulse getting the best of him.

He needed to distance himself from this Alex bloke before he caused anymore problems for himself, really. He knew it was for the best, but something about the way Alex's face was still covered in the shadows of the quickly fading night made him feel indulgent.

One walk, a walk on a quiet beach with a new pal before the inevitable bombs and death that tomorrow held came for him.

The two of them stood and dusted the sand from their uniforms- nearly dry by now. They walked in silence towards the dunes, past the abandon soldier's hats and shrapnel from yesterday's bombing. Tommy didn't really know where they were going, just blindly following Alex like he did back in the water. Alex took a small turn, rounding the opposite side of a sand dune with some tall grass growing on the sides of it. Tommy was ignoring the fact that every step they took away from the shore was another step toward enemy lines, for some reason felt strangely safe with Alex behind this grassy knoll of a sand dune. He couldn't see the water from here anymore, the sun was barely creeping up into the overcast morning sky. Alex was in front of him, glowing a hazy and dusky blue color.

Tommy hadn't noticed that they stopped walking. 

"Hey," Alex said, turning to look at Tommy.

Tommy was stood right in front him, craning his neck up a bit to get a good look at Alex's face. Alex's face was all sharp angles, straight lines, harsh contours. Tommy thought for a moment that eyes that piercing would only look fit on a face that sculpted.

Then Alex's eyes flickered down to Tommy's mouth and Tommy's stomach plummeted.

He was frozen, absolutely frozen and his palms were beginning to sweat like he was a schoolboy around his crush. He'd never really done this before but he knew exactly what that meant. Alex's eyes met his again and his mouth was open just a bit as he took a step closer. Alex was a scant few centimeters from Tommy's face now, his breath fanning out over Tommy's heated cheeks and Tommy's head was reeling. The quiet of the beach seemed even more quiet, the stillness of the secluded dunes even more still, and Tommy's heart was beating impossibly faster as the seconds ticked by. He held Alex's gaze, ignoring every single thought firing off in his brain about how wrong this was, how he should take a step back, how he should acknowledge how fucked this was and just keep moving- forget it ever happened. Instead he just froze, stood in limbo, waited to see what Alex was going to do next. Alex licked his lips and Tommy wanted to leg it, straight over the dune and right into enemy fire. 

"Let me know, if uh- you don't wanna like... like, if you want to stop, okay?" Alex stuttered out in a whisper. 

Tommy opened his mouth to ask just what the fuck Alex was going to do- what he was even on about- right before Alex surged forward, slanting his lips across Tommy's and placing a big hand at the base of Tommy's neck holding him in place.

Tommy was stuck, frozen to the spot as Alex's warm mouth covered his. Alex pulled back just for a second, pulled away just before Tommy finally hushed his brain and followed his soft lips, reattaching them again. He placed his hands on Alex's broad chest, standing on his toes to deepen the kiss. He'd not really ever done this before but christ it felt good, Alex felt so good with his mouth pressed against his. Tommy parted his lips slightly, Alex welcoming himself inside. Tommy let out a sigh as Alex's tongue softly licked into his mouth, feeling Alex's lips twitch into a smile. Tommy followed his lead, gently exploring every inch of the other man's mouth. He let a hand snake its way up Alex's chest and onto his cheek, thumb stroking against the stubble there and fingers curling gently into the soft hair behind his ear as Alex nipped at Tommy's bottom lip.

This was wrong. This was so, _so_ incredibly wrong but Tommy wanted more. So much more than this. 

"Lie down," Alex whispered, gently pulling back far enough breaking the string of saliva that connected their lips. Tommy squeezed his eyes shut as he lied back onto the sandy dune, fully obscured by the tall grass as Alex followed suit. He tried slowing the hammering of his heart, taking deep breaths and trying to just let things happen. Let himself be kissed by this man, trust his instinct and follow Alex's lead like he'd been doing since he pulled him out of the water. 

Alex gently nudged Tommy's legs open as he lowered himself, fitting between Tommy's thighs and moving his lips to his ear. He licked his way down Tommy's neck and sunk his teeth right at the juncture of Tommy's jaw and Tommy keened from under him, breathing becoming more and more labored with every second that Alex spent working his teeth into his neck. Alex moved further down, tongue soothing over the parts he'd finished with before moving to the other side of Tommy's neck and scraping over his Adam's apple. Everything was slow and liquid- not rushed or heady like the way Tommy's chest was audibly pounding away. He was trying to file away every sound Alex made and every place Alex touched him so that one day, years later, he could let himself remember this when it was nighttime and he was lonely. Wanted to remember every detail of what was happening right now, how this made him feel. He didn't know if he could ever allow himself to do this again. 

Tommy let out a proper moan when Alex's large hand wrapped around his throat, gently forcing his head to the side to expose more skin. Alex's head bobbed up at the throaty noise, looking Tommy in the eye and experimentally pushing his hand down harder onto Tommy's throat. 

Tommy instinctively grinded up, moaning breathily at the added pressure and canting his hips into Alex's thigh. His vision was going fuzzy around the edges and all he could see was _AlexAlexAlex_. God he was getting hard, could barely breathe with Alex's hand pressing into his windpipe and his cock so hard that he wanted to crawl out of his own skin from the embarrassment. He was sick, a pervert who was getting off with a bloke while being fucking choked. Of course this is his life. Of course these are the cards that Tommy had been dealt. The worst part is now that it's happening, he doesn't know if he could ever _not_ have this. Alex was gently gauging how far he could go, the heel of his hand applying just the right amount of pressure at Tommy's windpipe. Tommy was trying to stop himself from bucking his hips up into Alex- would fucking shoot himself if this all stopped because Tommy took it too far. He felt as if his body were betraying him, couldn't hear himself as his vision started getting starry, wish he could focus on anything but the feeling of Alex's big hands at his throat.

Amidst all of these thoughts racing through his mind, he zeroed in on Alex. Alex, with his hair flopped in front of his face as he looked down at Tommy like he had hung the moon. His lips were bitten and wet, and Tommy didn't know what was happening, thought he fucked it all up. 

"You like that? My hand 'round your throat? S'that what you like?" Alex asked, low and slowly, releasing some of the pressure and letting Tommy choke in some air. 

Tommy knew this was no good- this whole situation was wrong and he shouldn't be this needy. But here he was, and he needed this. Needed this _so_ bad.

"Please," Tommy whispered, head still back against the sand, missing the pressure of Alex's hand on his neck. 

Alex looked at him for a moment, completely still.

Tommy thought he was going to scream. 

"Please what?" Alex taunted, hands now massaging his throat and thumb stroking small circles right under his jaw. 

"Please don't stop," Tommy managed to choke out, feeling humiliated that he was begging this man to keep going. He sounded so wrecked already, both of them still fully clothed and Tommy being completely at the mercy of Alex and his stupid hands. 

Before he knew it, Alex was off of him. Completely rolled over to the side and Tommy was going to fucking cry.

He was about to stutter out an apology before he felt Alex haul him over on top of him. Tommy's brain was spinning from the sudden movement, all blood south of anywhere useful and his mind stumbling to catch up.

He was straddling Alex now, sat in his lap and trying to hide his painfully hard erection behind his small hands. 

"Y'wanna be a good boy, Tommy? A good boy for me?" Alex asked, placing a hand right above the swell of Tommy's ass and the other back at Tommy's throat. Tommy audibly whimpered at the pet name- his weight falling into the palm of Alex's hand as he curled into him. 

"Use your words," Alex said.

"Yes, yeah, wanna be a good boy, I wanna be good, _please_ ," Tommy babbled out, eyes hooded and looking at Alex pleadingly. 

"Use my thigh, baby boy," and it took Tommy a second or two to figure out what that meant, what the fuck Alex was talking about before it dawned on him. 

He experimentally grinded his hips into Alex's soft thigh, jaw dropping at the drag and the pressure of his cock through their uniforms. Alex's hand at the top of his ass gently pushed him back and forth, the other just resting at Tommy's throat. Tommy grinded for the second time, a bit harder than the first, choking out a moan as he got some real friction this time. Alex wrapped his fingers around his neck, tightening his grip and his thumb gently stroking his windpipe before squeezing tight, cutting off all oxygen just as Tommy grinded down for a third time. This was enough to make Tommy moan out properly, squeezing his eyes shut at how good this felt and losing all semblance of forethought or guilt as he kept grinding into Alex's thigh.

It was so good- so fucking good when Alex slid his free hand around Tommy's hips and gently stroked his cock with the back of his knuckles through his trousers, barely touching. Tommy didn't know what he was going to do, his head was reeling. Alex was choking him so slowly, his lungs were burning when he was allowed to swallow air, the gasps few and far between. 

Tommy's balled his hands up in the front of Alex's coat and- god there was way too much clothing between them.

Tommy was sweating under his uniform as he kept humping Alex's thigh- kept trying to add more pressure while his vision was going black because he couldn't breathe. He couldn't fucking breathe and he didn't want to, never wanted to take a single breath again so long as Alex's hand kept bruising into his throat like this.

It was good, it was so criminally good that Tommy couldn't stop rolling his hips into Alex's strong thigh, painfully aware of Alex's hand that had moved from his cock to rest on his tummy under his uniform. He loved Alex's hand there but he wanted it on his length again so bad, wanted Alex to keep him on edge like this forever. 

"D'you wanna come, Tommy?" Alex said into his ear and fuck, yes of fucking course Tommy wanted to come. Hadn't come in _weeks_ and would do anything to be able to come right now. 

"C'mon, love- use your words. Tell me how much you wanna come on my thigh, tell me how good it feels." Alex loosened his grip on the boy's throat. 

"Please, please, fuck... please let me come I wanna come so bad," Tommy let out a choked moan at hearing himself talk so desperate.

Alex just looked at him, hand not moving from above Tommy's belt.

"Thigh, y-your thigh feels so so so good- just," Tommy continued.

"Please touch me, please touch me. I-I need it, I need you to- _fuck_ ," Tommy's cheeks were burning now, never thought he'd hear himself like this and wanting so bad to just say the right thing- to be good for Alex.

"That's my good boy," Alex said, hands deftly reaching into Tommy's uniform trousers and stroking him through his boxers. Tommy doubled over- resting his chin over Alex's shoulder and squeezing his eyes shut at how good this felt. He couldn't remember his own fucking name right now if you asked, just a mantra of " _please_ " and " _Alex_ " spilling over his lips as he was approaching his climax. He buried his head into the joint of Alex's neck and shoulder as he got closer, then Alex dipped a hand inside the elastic of his underwear and it was skin-on-skin contact now and Tommy's head was fucking exploding. He was seeing stars and moaning loudly, sinking his teeth into Alex's neck in an attempt to muffle his noises in case they were to be heard. His hands were tugging at Alex's hair, hips still rolling into Alex's warm hand over and over again as Alex whispered into his ear.

"Good boy, that's a good boy, can you come for me? Can my baby boy come for me?" Alex whispered, thumb playing at the head of Tommy's cock. Something warm coiled at the bottom of Tommy's stomach and he was close- so fucking close. Alex kept rolling his fist down his cock, thumb swiping at the precome at the top. This was the best thing he's ever felt in his whole twenty years and he wanted to let go so bad.

He wanted to let go but he didn't want to ever stop. He felt Alex's fingers twitch at his neck again and just as he opened his mouth at Alex's neck to choke out a moan- Alex tightened his grip around his throat. Tommy's brain felt dizzy with the pressure, his blood not knowing where to go as it rebounded from his brain back to his cock. That was all Tommy needed as he finally spilled over. He was pulling at Alex now, trying to get impossibly closer. Trying his best to push their bodies into one. His chest was heaving as his hips stuttered into Alex's fist as he came- kept coming as Alex worked him through it and almost cried at the sensitivity of it all when Alex swiped a finger over his tip one last time. 

He was on a high, thought he was dreaming and was gonna wake up in his small twin bed back in London. Thought that the way he could only smell the salt on Alex's neck was going to ruin him, didn't want to have his face buried anywhere else. He swore this was all some kind of fucked up dream, he would wake up tomorrow and feed the neighbor's dog and go into work and- 

Alex was still breathing heavy from under him. Tommy picked his head up and- in a moment of stupidity or bravery- kissed Alex hard on the mouth before adjusting himself and sliding down Alex's body. Alex looked at him in bewilderment, mouth hanging slightly open and breath quickening as Tommy made quick work of undoing his belt and trousers and pulled out his cock. Tommy almost choked when he saw the size of Alex, something sick and twisted in his gut as he mentally dared himself to do it. Alex was big and thick enough to make Tommy triple guess his decision. This didn't stop Tommy from experimentally licking at the head of Alex's cock, still riding the post-orgasm high as he lazily licked from the base to the tip. He heard Alex take in a sharp inhale before he looked up at him from between his legs.

"I've never, um- I've never really properly... or like, ever," Tommy started.

"You don't have to, love. It's okay," Alex supplied, hand coming back to run through Tommy's sweaty hair. Tommy knew that two men aren't meant to call each other love, but he keened at the name anyway.

"No, I-I want to, it's just- be gentle," Tommy whispered, feeling more vulnerable than he ever has right here, laying on this sand dune at Dunkirk beach as he was about to swallow another man's cock. 

"Of course." Alex's eyes immediately softened looking at him, his face relaxed and content looking. Alex pushed back a tuft of hair that had fallen into Tommy's face dragging his thumb across his bottom lip- and after everything that's just happened- that's the one thing that has alarm bells ringing at full volume in Tommy's head. God. God, god, god this was going to be haunting him long after the war is over- if he even makes it that far. 

With that, Tommy slowly sinks his mouth over Alex's cock, taking it an inch at a time. He looks up at Alex between his lashes, seeing him with his head thrown back and throat exposed in the morning light. Tommy's stomach is in knots. He works what he can't fit in with his hand, pulling back with a pop to let some saliva spill over his lips and onto Alex's length to make things easier. Slowly he works further down, feeling Alex tighten his grip in his hair which makes him shudder because _holy fuck he's doing this_. Tommy doesn't know what he did, but somewhere between flattening his tongue over the head and twisting his wrist on the upstroke made Alex whimper, and the sound went straight to Tommy's spent cock.

"You're doing so good, baby. S-so good," Alex mumbled quietly.

This made something in Tommy snap, wanted to do better, swallow more- so he did. He slid his hand down the base and swallowed as far down Alex's cock as he could, making him gag. Alex felt himself hit the back of Tommy's throat and it took everything within him to keep his hips from stuttering, allowing Tommy's throat to work him in as he held onto his soft hair. 

Tears came to Tommy's eyes at the pressure, but he didn't pull off. Kept breathing through his nose as he slowly bobbed his head up and sank down further onto Alex. 

Alex was choking out moans above him, biting the lapel of his wool coat to keep quiet. The same lapels that Tommy had his hands fisted in just ten minutes ago. The alarm bells were still going off in his skull, but with every inch he swallowed of Alex they were being pushed further and further back. 

Tommy wanted to touch, had his mouth full of Alex's cock but still hadn't gotten to explore anything else. He slid his slender hand up Alex's buttoned uniform and squeezed his hip, just feeling. Alex was rolling his hips into Tommy's mouth at this point, gently fucking his tight throat without pushing too far. Tommy felt his thumb stroke across Alex's nipple, taking it between his fingers and pinching it as he heard Alex gasp. He quickly let go, letting his thumb soothe over it, before he pinched it again. This time Alex's hips bucked up quickly, forcing himself further down Tommy's throat as the boy gagged and spit trailed down his chin. Alex tugged on his hair, mumbling "Gonna come," between gasps. 

Tommy pulled back off his cock just a little bit, sucking at the tip and pressing his tongue right under the head. Alex tugged hard at Tommy's hair as he came into his warm mouth, Tommy never stopping the gentle lapping of his tongue and tasting as much of Alex as he could. He swallowed the bitter taste, not caring that his throat was absolutely shot at this point. He pulled off of Alex with a wet pop and gave one last lick to clean up before he tucked Alex back into his pants and did up his belt. 

Alex pulled him up by the back of his neck and pushed their lips together again, tongue delving into Tommy's mouth to taste himself and make the other boy moan one last time. 

The two were tangled within each other now, labored breathing finally evening out as the morning sun had fully risen behind the dense clouds that hung over the beach. 

"Sorry, mate," Alex giggled as he worked a hand through Tommy's sticky hair.

Tommy looked up at him quizzically. He's never done this before but he's pretty sure you're not meant to apologize afterwards.

"Come, got uh, some of your come in your hair when you were uh- after I..." Alex trailed off, blush set high on his cheeks. His big hands were still combing through Tommy's hair and honestly, Tommy couldn't really complain.

"S'okay," He said, eyes shut as he leaned into the touch with a small smile on his lips.

Eventually Alex's hands stopped carding through his hair and Tommy felt his chest push up as he sat straight. Tommy picked his head up off his chest and sat next to him, the beach eerily quiet and the soft whirring of the wind being the only thing to distract him from the onslaught of panicked thoughts that were beginning to pour into the forefront of his mind.

"We should probably get back..." Alex whispered. Tommy's eyes snapped up as he was brought out of his thoughts for a moment. He was caught by Alex's green green green eyes again and barely registered anything before Alex kissed him softly, closed-mouthed, warm, and slow. When he pulled back, he gave Tommy a small smile before helping him up from the sand and readjusting his uniform. 

Before Alex turned around to begin their trek back to the shore, Tommy stopped him.

"Just so you know- I'm not um, queer or anything," Tommy said rushed. Something nasty was filling up his senses as he said this, his heart nearly ripping in two when he looked at Alex's face. 

Alex just blinked at him, brows furrowed and his pretty features were suddenly hardened.

"No? Not even a little bit queer?" He asked.

Tommy didn't answer.

"You have your own come in your hair and mine down your throat, mate. I'm not sure if I believe that." Alex spat.

Tommy wasn't sure if he believed it either. 

-

The walk back to the mole was quiet, Tommy's guilt was skyrocketing through his skull and shame was written on his face. His hair missed Alex's hands and his mouth felt empty, but he wasn't going to dwell on it. Couldn't.

He trailed a few footsteps behind Alex as they made it to the shores. The privates were just beginning to stir from their sleep, some men tending to the wounded while others stood and readied themselves for the day. Tommy felt relieved that the number of men had significantly dwindled since he was last on the beach. He knew enemy lines were pushing closer but hopefully they could all get off the sand before they lost anymore.

His hope of getting off of this beach was rising, the odds more and more in his favor despite everything that's happened so far. Alex still hadn't said a word to him and Tommy thought a bit woefully that he may have ended things. Albeit on a sour note, but they were ended now and it was probably for the best.

That's when he noticed Alex disappeared from his side and waves of panic came over him. His heart began racing and his breathing quickened before he spotted Alex in the distance, running after a group of men who were heading in the opposite direction of the mole. 

He doesn't know why he followed him, why he followed Alex after his colossal fuck up on the dunes. Said he wasn't queer, yet here he was trailing after Alex down the beach like a lost puppy with no preamble or explanation. 

"Trawler," one of the men said when Tommy finally caught up. Alex shot him a sideways glare, keeping his head straight as they all approached a beached civilian boat in the distance.

His brain was staticky as they approached the ship, but he does remember hearing "the enemy could be right over there" before they all climbed inside the boat. Why why _why_ had he followed Alex here?

The inside of the boat was suspiciously empty- just a bunch of rope and fishing nets. It seemed to be in good shape and the plan was to just lie in wait until the tide came back in. 

He found the bloke that he first met when he arrived on the beach, didn't know his name but recognized his inky black hair and quiet demeanor and decided to lie down next to him and some other soldier as Alex made his way to the back of the boat. He ignored the guilty feeling in his gut and tried to make himself as comfortable as he could.

-

He managed to get a few good blinks of sleep in, somewhere after they were ambushed by the Dutchman who owned the boat and just before the vessel was riddled with German bullets. He let himself fall asleep as he leaned on the sides of the boat, chains and wire digging uncomfortable into his back as he tried to compensate for last night's lost sleep. He slept without dreaming, just enough to where his eyes didn't sting as much when he opened them anymore and his head felt a little more clear. The trawler was silent as everyone slept, a few men stayed awake just to keep an eye out but the atmosphere was oddly calm.

Everyone was startled awake by the first three shots- target practice. Everyone stayed awake as more and more holes were drilled into the ship.

They couldn't do anything, couldn't alert the enemy that the ship was occupied or they'd all die. Tommy felt like his body was a live wire and was beginning to get claustrophobic as everyone crowded away from the grouping of bullets. Everything really went tits up when the tide began pouring through the holes and someone got shot trying to plug them. Tommy heard the man's muffled screams as the other soldiers shoved hands in his mouth to keep him from blowing their cover. That radio static that he remembered from the capsized ship when he was under the mole came back, his ears were ringing and he couldn't decipher anything anyone was saying, everything sounding muffled and far off until he registered that Alex had a gun pointed at his friend and woah woah woah, what the _fuck-_

"We need to lose weight- someone needs to get off the ship," Alex's eyes were darker than he remembered, Tommy thought he was going to be sick. 

Tommy tried defending his friend- Gibson- he did. He gave it his best shot and Alex was getting close to him now, not the same Alex he was with earlier that morning.

"We need someone to get off so the rest of us can live- You want to volunteer?" Alex asked and Tommy felt like he was looking straight through him.

"Fuck no. I'm going home" Tommy said.

"And if this is the price?" The barrel of Alex's gun was still pressed into Gibson's neck.

"I'll live with it, but it's wrong." Alex pushed Gibson up another step.

"Alex, one man’s not going to make enough difference-" Tommy tried. He felt the stinging of tears behind his eyes but held them back as he realized how much worse that could make this whole situation.

"You’d best hope it does, cos you’d be volunteering next," said one of the men from the back of the ship.

Tommy's heart sank. 

"We’re regimental brothers, mate. Just the way it is." Alex said, voice sounding far off and distant before he was slammed into the side of the boat by Gibson. Tommy watched as the two fought over the gun, the whole ship getting involved and shouting before Tommy felt the vessel tilt on its side before leveling out. 

"Float! We float!"

"Start the bloody engine!"

-

They were safe.

Tommy was safe.

Alex was safe.

They were sat under the deck of a civilian ship. Tommy was the last man aboard and Alex knew something was wrong when he almost started crying upon seeing Tommy's small frame hoisted over the side of the boat. He couldn't move.

Tommy made his way down the stairs, hesitantly as all the men before him. He was covered in oil just like Alex and the rest of the men on the boat. Down here, in the cabin, the stench of salt and oil was sickening. The air felt thick with it and everyone was silent. Alex dared to dart his eyes up at Tommy once everyone was settled and they were far enough from the explosion that the only sound was the boat's engine and the waves lapping around them. Tommy held his gaze, the boy's eyes were bloodshot and angry as he looked at Alex with his jaw set. Alex looked back at the floor.

A few moments passed as he shot his head up at the sound of someone moving- saw Tommy walk up the steps to look outside the boat, Alex foolishly followed him. 

"Dover?" Tommy asked. Alex missed his voice.

"Weymouth," The boy- who wasn't a soldier- answered. 

The white cliffs of the coast loomed beside them and something inside Alex finally felt settled. He knew he was less than a few miles away from the bombs and the death that surrounded him just hours ago, but that didn't matter anymore. 

-

Their first night back on English soil was rough.

They were camped outside of a manor, the entirety of the property littered with soldiers- both wounded or able- sleeping inside the estate and in the surrounding fields under the clear night sky. Upon arrival they had all eaten hot soup and drank their weight in clean water. Tommy had managed to get almost all of the oil off of his skin and was made aware of bruises and cuts as the slick was washed away and down the drain. He actually got to wash his hair with soap for the first time in ages. He almost forgot about the sand, salt, oil, grease, and come that was matted in it for days as he laid his head on his balled up uniform coat. He was cocooned in a scratchy wool blanket that was provided by the aids and nurses at the estate they were sleeping at. Tommy had no clue how long he would be here- knew that this feeling of safety was fleeting and soon enough they would all be getting their new orders in and shipped back out to the front lines before anyone could get too comfortable.

He rolled over and looked at the figure next to him, Alex.

Always Alex. 

Alex had a deep frown set on his face, his features scrunched up in discomfort and his breathing heavy as he tossed about in his fitful sleep. Tommy watched him, debating whether or not to wake him, thinking bitterly that Alex deserved whatever nightmare he was having where his life was at stake after he almost threatened Tommy's.

Tommy reached out a hand to wake him up anyways. 

Nothing.

Tommy rolled over, kneeling over Alex's taut figure and shaking him awake by his shoulders. This time Alex's eyes snapped open and they were so alive that Tommy thought he was dreaming himself. Alex's eyes immediately welled up with tears. His green eyes locked with Tommy's and he quickly yanked him down into his arms. 

Tommy was being held with a vice grip, couldn't get up if he wanted to (he didn't). Alex was sobbing into his neck now, wet hot tears touching Tommy's skin as he moved his arms to cradle Alex's head. They both rolled onto their sides and held one another, tight and warm- safe. 

"M'sorry, so sorry, I am so, so, so sorry," Alex mumbled into Tommy's neck.

Tommy didn't say anything. 

-

It was pouring the next day.

The weather was muggy and wet all day long. Everyone was huddled inside, sleeping in the hallways of the house or playing cards on the floor. Tommy sat on the floor of the common room with a newspaper as he watched Alex from afar. Alex was deeply involved in some card game with about 15 other soldiers on the opposite side of the room. Raucous laughter was coming from all around him and Alex had seemed to have made a number of friends in the past few hours. He seemed so far away from the Alex he was with the days before, seemed like a regular lad who hadn't almost died the day prior. He seemed unafraid and open, loudly ribbing his new friends with a wide grin on his face.

Every time a crack of thunder was heard from the sky, Tommy wanted to inch closer to him. 

"Oi!" Tommy snapped his head up from his paper, seeing Alex flailing an arm awkwardly in the air to get his attention.

Tommy met his eyes as Alex beckoned him to come over. 

Tommy shook his head and returned back to his paper. 

It wasn't like he was jealous of all the other blokes getting to talk to Alex or anything, Alex wasn't _his_. It was just, he didn't want to share Alex's space with this many people around. Thought if they were seen too close together, everyone would know that Tommy had his cock in his mouth yesterday morning and it would be the end for him. Thought that if another boom of thunder roared outside that Tommy would fold into Alex and draw attention. He didn't want anyone noticing his and Alex's special bond or thinking it was anything more than a matter of comfort. 

He wasn't queer. 

The day passed slowly and everyone stayed inside the house. Tommy tried to ignore the fact that he hadn't seen Gibson anywhere, tried to ignore the sound of the spitfires that flew over his head, tried to ignore how badly he wanted to feel Alex's pulse against his fingertips and his hands around his throat. He really tried to ignore that one. 

Eventually the sun had set and the lights were turned out in the house. Tommy had managed to get a few hours of sleep in before he was awoken one to many times from the pained screams of other sleeping men. He wonders for a moment if he was sleeping as fitfully as those around him as he was woken up by a hardened man who was three times his size sobbing into his woolen blanket just a few feet away. Tommy couldn't do this anymore- needed to clear his head for a bit. He stood up and made his way outside, tip toeing over the sleeping forms of soldiers and quietly opening the front door of the house without disturbing anyone. 

It was still drizzling outside, no more thunderous sounds or lightening striking down from the sky above. Just peaceful, quiet, rain softly hitting the roof of the house and the grass beneath Tommy's bare feet. He was getting wet out here, shed his shirt before he went to sleep and was enjoying the feeling of the rain softly pattering against his bruised skin. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, digging his toes into the soil and letting the rain drop into his mouth. The clean rainwater was a nice change of pace from the abrasive salt water he had been soaked to the bone with since he arrived on the beach. The warm June weather kept him from freezing and finally felt calm. 

The calmness was short-lived as he felt a hand slipping around his waist that made him almost jump out of his skin. His heart was suddenly pounding quicker than he could keep up with as he trained his eyes on Alex in front of him.

Fucking hell.

"Alex, what the _fuck_ ," Tommy started before he was cut off by Alex's mouth.

And oh- okay.

Tommy stumbled backward as Alex pushed him up against the side of the house, brick siding digging into the bare skin of his back as he open his mouth and yielding to Alex's tongue. Alex hoisted him up by his thighs, back getting scratched as he slid his legs around Alex's hips. Once Alex had him settled, he moved his mouth away from Tommy's. Tommy was about to protest before he felt Alex nipping at his bottom lip with his teeth before moving down and biting gently at his jaw. 

"Alex," Tommy tried as Alex softly licked under Tommy's ear.

" _Alex,_ " He tried again, this time Alex pulled back and looked at him.

Tommy's eyes were stinging with tears and Alex looked so beautiful as his curly hair dampened in the sprinkling rain. 

Tommy inhaled sharply, squeezed his eyes shut and said "I'm not- Alex, I'm not a fag."

Silence. 

"Open your eyes, look at me and say it," Alex said, hands still secure under Tommy's bum pressing him into the exterior of the house.

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut harder. He took his bottom lip into his mouth and shook his head violently, refused to look at Alex. 

Alex moved a hand to Tommy's chin, forcing his head up and stroking his cheek as Tommy blinked his eyes open. He couldn't tell if they were tears or rain drops on Tommy's cheeks but swiped his thumb across them either way. 

"Tell me," Alex pushed.

This time Tommy was the one to lean in, slowly kissed Alex as the rain danced around them. It was slow, languid, almost choreographed with the way they were moving together. Alex was gentle with him, holding Tommy like he was made of glass and would shatter if Alex moved him in the wrong direction and god, this was so fucked.

"I want you," Tommy whispered against Alex's lips, nearly inaudible against the rain.

"Yeah, yeah, of course babes," Alex said just as softly.

Tommy's heart was soaring. 

"C'mon," Alex took his hand, guiding him across the field and to an empty shed that was near the edge of the property. Alex had the right mind to put his coat on before leaving, Tommy noticed. He felt embarrassed next to him half naked, but it didn't seem like Alex minded too much. The grass was soft under Tommy's feet as they padded to the shed and god- this was so not what he was expecting out of tonight. As soon as Alex opened the door to the structure, Tommy's nerves finally set in. Fuck.

They stepped into the dark room, space was tight but it was fairly tidy and there was a small window at the back that allowed Tommy to see his way around. He shut the door behind himself and the panic set in as it was just him and Alex alone, for the first time since the dunes. First time properly alone with a room to themselves which both excited and frightened Tommy to the point of nausea. 

He was just stood there, silent as he watched Alex patter around the small room.

"Ah!" Alex exclaimed, spooking Tommy and putting him on edge before he reminded himself that he was home and there was not- in fact- a German soldier to be seen in the distance.

"What is it?" Tommy asked, regulating his breath.

Alex held something up something, and upon squinting Tommy realized it was a half empty tin of Vaseline. He couldn't help but grin to himself, crooked teeth on full display as he took in the hilarity of the situation because really, what are the odds of that? Alex also had a grin plastered on his lips as he inched closer toward Tommy. Everything was okay.

Alex had shed his coat and laid it out on the floor before surging toward Tommy and pressing their mouths together again. 

It dawned upon Tommy that they were in a shed, surrounded by no one for at least 100 meters. No enemy, no gunfire, no passerby, no one but them. His stomach swooped. 

Alex pulled back from him, grinning as Tommy tried to follow his lips backwards. Alex gently guided Tommy down to the wooden floor, settling him on top of his coat and letting him get comfortable. The floor wasn't the most romantic place, Tommy realized, but he was grateful for Alex's warm coat beneath him anyway given the circumstances. Then Alex pulled his shirt over his head and fuck he looked good- really really fucking good. Tommy noticed a few tattoos scattered on his midsection, noticed the way his waist narrowed before giving way to his chubby hips and soft tummy. Tommy wanted to touch, wanted to feel his skin so badly.

As if he could read minds, Alex lowered himself onto Tommy. He was covered by Alex's weight and the only thing between them was their sleep pants and a few centimeters of space. 

"Hi," Alex said, big smile on his face as he looked down at Tommy.

"Hi," Tommy said, teeth on full display as Alex dipped his head and licked at Tommy's collarbones. 

Tommy tried to relax, tried to settle himself under Alex and take in every second of this. Alex was slowly working his warm mouth across Tommy's pale skin, teeth lightly tugging at his nipple before soothing over it with his tongue and moving further down. Tommy was trying to not be impatient, but somewhere between Alex's warm breath ghosting over his hip and the tug of his bottoms is where things started getting heady. Tommy felt his cock twitch as Alex's fingers bruised into his hip, making a mental note of his apparent masochism and getting lost in the feeling of it all. Alex worked the elastic over Tommy's hips, letting it sit right above his hardening cock as he bit at the soft skin at his lower tummy. 

Tommy's eyes were squeezed shut, wanting nothing more than for Alex to move just an inch closer to the place where he wanted him most. He thought his wish was going to come true when Alex finally pulled his pants down around his ankles, taking them off completely and leaving Tommy starkers in front of him. Tommy was grateful that Alex couldn't see the pink of his cheeks and tried focusing on Alex's big hands pushing his thighs apart. He heard the screwing of a tin somewhere in the mix but didn't really pay any mind to it now that Alex was settled between his legs. Tommy easily opened up for him as he felt teeth grazing over the inside of his thighs. It was gentle enough to make Tommy tremble but not nearly enough to keep him from whining about his neglected cock.

"M'gonna start now," Alex said, and oh thank god. Finally he was going to put his lovely mouth on Tommy's cock and-

"Oh!" Tommy exclaimed, feeling something prodding at his entrance. 

"You okay?" Alex asked, hesitating.

Tommy just nodded and hoped Alex saw from below him.

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut as Alex worked his first finger in. He was going slow, for which Tommy was grateful, but it felt proper weird. Alex had gotten his whole finger in by the time he had gotten used to the intrusion, and Tommy choked out a gasp when he felt the second. After working his fingers into Tommy for a few minutes he began to scissor them, making Tommy jump as Alex worked him open. He felt himself relax around Alex's long fingers eventually, the dull pain subsiding but coming back when he slipped in the third. 

"It's okay, Tom. You're doing so good baby," He heard Alex say between thrusts. Tommy was wincing at the pain as Alex gently worked his fingers in and out of his hole. It was something he was getting quickly used to- the pain and give of it all- but something in him was getting a twisted satisfaction of being full of Alex's fingers like this. Suddenly Alex's fingers curled up and Tommy's back arched clear off the floor as he let out a pained moan. He saw stars for a moment- had about two seconds to regain his composure before Alex pumped his fingers back in, directly into that spot. Tommy felt his cock jerk at the pleasure and pain, length swelling more and more as Alex made him gasp out for air. 

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck," Tommy babbled as Alex hit his spot for the last time before completely pulling his fingers out. Tommy's brows furrowed as he realized how empty he was, wanted Alex's fingers back in him.

Tommy pried his eyes open again and almost passed out at the sight of Alex slicking up his cock in front of him. His bottoms were long gone and he was hovered over Tommy with a hand working the slick over himself. Oh god, this was really about to happen. Tommy was finally going to have Alex inside of him and this is all he's ever wanted, all he's ever needed.

He felt Alex's lips on his, warm and gentle as he softly kissed Tommy.

"You're thinking too loud," Alex said with a small grin.

Tommy took a deep breath in as he felt Alex's tip slide down his perineum and catch on his hole. Fuck. 

Alex pushed a bit further as Tommy opened up around him, the stinging way worse than when it was just Alex's fingers. Alex pushed in so slowly that Tommy thought he was going to explode, thought that Alex's length went on forever and that he would never be fully in. Alex eventually bottomed out, fingers gently tucking tufts of hair behind Tommy's ear and whispering praise into the quiet air. 

"You're doing so good, baby boy- so good," Alex said the name made Tommy's breath hitch. 

Alex slowly began to pull out and Tommy tried to focus on Alex and his steady breathing and relaxing all at once. He felt Alex slide out all the way to the tip before slowly thrusting back in. Tommy let out a gasp at this, the motion much more fluid than when Alex first pushed inside him. He wrapped his legs around Alex's waist, hooking his ankles around his back and stabilizing himself as Alex thrusted in for a third time. 

"More," Tommy pleaded, hoping that Alex could fuck him through the pain of it and expedite things a little more. Alex leaned down and caught his lips in a kiss at the same time that he pulled almost all the way out of Tommy and forcefully rolled his hips back into him. And- oh. God.  That was it, Tommy thought as Alex drew a moan out of him with another thrust. Alex was still going slow, building up his own sort of rhythm as his pace slowly increased when he thought the other boy could handle it. Tommy was letting out stuttered breaths now, eyes squeezed shut as he canted his hips up to meet Alex's. Tommy threw an arm over his mouth, sinking his teeth into the soft skin in an attempt to muffle any sounds he was making as he let himself get lost in it all. Alex quickly moved his arm, grabbing both of his wrists and pinning them above his head on the floor and _fuck_. Tommy felt Alex's hand press bruises into his slender wrists, making him unable to move or to touch. Tommy didn't realize how much he would like this, being pinned to the floor and fucked by Alex who had little regard for keeping things quiet.

"Wanna hear you," Alex breathed out from above him.

"Please," Tommy choked out and Alex started going _slower_ , the bastard.

Tommy let out a pained whine as Alex went agonizingly slow, changing the angle of his hips with every thrust until he found the bundle of nerves inside Tommy that made him see stars again. Tommy's jaw dropped as he let out a long moan, Alex slowly and torturously hitting the spot over and over again.

"What'd'you want, baby? Use your words, tell me what you need-" 

"Need you- ah- to just, faster, need more, Alex. Need so much more,"

"What do good boys say, Tommy?"

"Please, pleasepleaseplease..." Tommy keened from beneath him. Good boy, he wanted to be a good boy.

He must have vocalized that without realizing it because Alex started pounding into him then, keeping a steady rhythm as he nailed Tommy's prostate with every thrust. Tommy was shaking beneath him now, Alex doing his best to whisper praise into his neck. He sunk his teeth into Tommy's collarbones, tugging at the skin and working his way up until he was satisfied that Tommy would see the bruises after they were done.

"Being such a good boy for me, Tommy. Being so good- do you want me to choke you, love? Does my baby boy want to be choked?" Alex asked, voice dripping with something that made Tommy squirm.

"Yes yes, p-please yes-" Tommy stuttered.

Alex wrapped his free hand around Tommy's slender neck and began applying the pressure. The heel of his hand began pushing into Tommy's windpipe as the floaty feeling began creeping back in. Tommy felt like he was being pulled from all directions, felt lost in the way Alex had his wrists pinned above him and a hand over his throat. Alex was thrusting into him at full speed now, hitting his prostate over and over again. The rushed movements were making Tommy's cock grind up into the soft skin of Alex's belly above him and everything was on fire in his head. He couldn't keep up anymore and became compliant as Alex massaged his neck with a tight pressure. Tommy didn't even have to think about his breathing anymore as Alex manually choked and released his throat, letting him get in a few breaths every minute. Tommy could care less about the guilt now- whatever he was. Queer, straight, traumatized- whatever. All he knew is that he didn't want to move from this spot ever again. Wanted to stay pinned under Alex forever and never have to leave. 

"Want you to come, baby boy- can you do that for me?" Alex said from what felt like miles away. Tommy weakly nodded his head in response.

"Use your words, Tommy," 

"Yes, please let me come- wanna be a good boy for you please, please, please," Tommy babbled out, words not even making sense to him anymore.

Alex pulled out and thrusted into Tommy again, grinding himself into Tommy's hard cock once, twice, three times before Tommy cried and finally came. He shot up between them, mind blacking out as he sobbed beneath Alex at all of the stimulation. He felt Alex grunt above him, pushing in deeper than he had before and coming with a low moan. Tommy felt Alex's come inside of him and the feeling made him squirm with want. 

Alex let go of his wrists and throat, leaving behind the ghosting of bruises and warmth of his fingers on Tommy's heated skin. He gently pulled out of Tommy and the boy whined at the loss, feeling empty and sticky as he felt Alex's come trail down the inside of his thigh. He felt gross, wet, and used but in the best way possible way. Feels warmth in his bones as Alex curls around him, feels safer here in this shed than he has anywhere in his whole life.

"Still not queer?" Alex whispered into his neck.

"Maybe... just a little," Tommy teased and felt Alex crack a smile against his skin.

"Mmm-yeah, maybe just a lil' bit," Alex said, pulling Tommy closer to him and running his fingers down his back softly.

-

_10 September, 1945_

_Alex,_

_I miss you._

_I haven't forgotten about you. I am home safe, and I miss you._

_Please be alive. Please be safe. I kept my promise and you better have kept yours._

_I miss you._

_Tommy._

Tommy signed the brief letter before stuffing it in an envelope with a stamp. It took him a week to work up the courage to drop it in the post box, and he triple checked the address that Alex had given him before they were split. He stayed alive, promised Alex that he would. He felt sick as he dropped the letter off, hoped to god that he got one back. Hoped that Alex made it back home, hoped he had the right address, hoped that Alex even wanted to see him. He missed Alex's skin more than anything on this earth, couldn't move on until he at least found out if Alex was still breathing or not.

-

_23 September, 1945_

_Tommy,_

_I haven't forgotten about you either. I am home, and I am safe._

_I want to see you, have been waiting to see you since you left me for the Pacific._

_You were the best boy a guy could ask for._

_I love you._

_Alex._

**Author's Note:**

> hiii i hope this was like, accurate enough?? idk this is my first fic and i literally am an inarticulate mess please forgive me


End file.
